Romney Rejects Buffet Rule | Derides It As “Self Serving”


Boston, MA— In a move that some supporters consider risky, the Romney presidential campaign came down hard yesterday on the Buffet Rule, calling it “self-serving” and an affront to rich people everywhere. “Imagine,” Romney said to a capacity crowd at the Harvard Club, “having to wait on yourself. I mean, can you? Next thing you know they’ll be telling us having a governess for our kids is elitist.”

Despite the widespread belief in America that buffets rule, the Romney presidential campaign disparaged them as “self serving” and “breeding grounds for diseases.”

Despite the widespread belief in America that buffets rule, the Romney presidential campaign disparaged them as “self serving” and “breeding grounds for diseases.”

Aside from the inherently plebian nature of a buffet, Romney presidential campaign senior advisor Eric Fehrnstrom pointed out that there are also health hazards. “Everyone who has ever had the misfortune of attending a buffet knows that they are incubators for all kinds of diseases,” he said. “The potential for an epidemic is real and ever-present.”

During a Q & A session after the cheese and fruit dessert course, Fox News reporter Joe Dunlop claimed that tens of millions of Americans think buffets rule, not simply because they can gorge themselves into a stupor for a relatively small price, but also because they actually like serving themselves. “Given that, Governor, don’t you feel you might be on the wrong side of history with this one?” he said.

Before Romney could get a word out, the audience broke into wild laughter. Restoring calm, Romney said, “No, not really, Joe. I think I speak for all of us here when I say the Buffet Rule is toxic. We prefer to be waited on.” Romney then smiled sardonically. “As long as we don’t have to tip more than 15%!” Again, the crowd roared its approval.

“But, Governor, the buffet is practically a religious experience for Americans,” Dunlop continued. “I presume you’ve heard the expression, ‘God helps those who help themselves’?”

Romney, clearly at ease now as his presidential campaign shifts into high gear, raised his eyebrows as if he had seen this line of argument coming a mile away. “And you, Joe, have you heard this little ditty before?

“And this is good old Boston,
The home of the bean and the cod,
Where the Lowells talk only to Romneys,
And the Romneys talk only to God.”

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2 Responses to “Romney Rejects Buffet Rule | Derides It As “Self Serving””

  1. Vandy Young Says:

    *deep sigh*
    I’d be laughing hysterically at how clever you are but for the fact that this is a much higher level of discourse than what actually goes down in the Romney camp.

  2. danbbrown Says:

    Yup, given all the gaffes Romney and his staff have made, it’s hard to believe he’s come this far. Then again there hasn’t exactly been much competition this election cycle, has there?

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