Romney Says Role As Bain CEO in 2002 Was That of Figurehead

While Romney now admits to being Bain CEO until 2002, he claims he was just a figurehead.

While Romney now admits to being Bain CEO until 2002, he claims he was just a figurehead.

Boston, MA—Attempting to quiet the uproar over a story in The Boston Globe on Tuesday, which produced evidence that he was CEO of Bain & Company until 2002, not 1999 as he had previously stated, Mitt Romney admitted today that the story was accurate. Even the part about his being paid at least $100,000 annually in 2001 and 2002. However, he also said the paper omitted one key detail: the role of a corporate CEO today is typically a sinecure one, essentially that of figurehead.

“One need only to look at what happened with my polo buddy Jamie Dimon recently,” Romney said, “to see how ridiculous it is to think a CEO plays any meaningful management role today whatsoever.” Dimon, the much revered CEO of JPMorgan Chase, testified before the Senate Banking Committee (a.k.a. the Jamie Dimon Fan Club) in June regarding what is now estimated to be his company’s loss of $5.8 billion.

While Dimon accepted responsibility for the loss, the CEO’s travel itinerary showed that he had been vacationing in the Cayman Islands during the months when the “bad trade” leading to the loss took place. It was also learned that Dimon was completely “out of touch” during this period since he does not know how to use his iPhone and in fact had mistaken his TV remote for the mobile device anyway.

Dimon did not return this blogger’s phone calls. However, billionaires David and Charles Koch, Sheldon Adelson and Foster Friess, who famously said that a woman should practice contraception by putting a Bayer aspirin between her knees, did. They agreed with Romney that today’s CEOs have virtually nothing to do with company management. Their primary purpose is to make insanely stupid and outrageous statements to Congress and the press in order to create jobs within their respective public relations departments. So far, that strategy seems to be phenomenally effective.

It wasn’t all smooth sailing for Romney after his admission though. Having touted his financial management prowess as the key reason to elect him president, Romney must now think of another reason why people should vote for him. Romney presidential campaign senior advisor Eric Fehrnstrom refused to say what that might be, choosing instead to focus on Romney’s upcoming trip to the London Olympics and his visit with Queen Elizabeth “who knows darn well the demands of being a figurehead.”


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