Romney Identity Theft Victim | Says Fake Mitt Paid No Taxes


Artist rendering of Uzbekistani suspects in the Mitt Romney identity theft case.

Artist rendering of Uzbekistani suspects in the Mitt Romney identity theft case.

Mitt Romney admitted today that tax returns bearing his name did in fact reveal that he paid no taxes for the years 2001 through 2010. However, in a move that deflated critics and won praise from supporters, Romney was quick to point out that it was an unknown party, traced to an IP address in Uzbekistan, who had stolen the presumptive Republican presidential nominee’s identity and filed the returns electronically.

Romney went on to say that the bogus returns have already been sent to Fox News and other credible media outlets for immediate publication. “I hope now we can put this whole nonsense over my tax returns to bed,” Romney said. “Yes, these documents do in fact demonstrate that no tax was paid for a period of ten years. But given that the signer signed ‘Mit’ with only one t, you can see they are clearly fraudulent.”

When asked if he had filed duplicate returns, Romney said that his accounting firm had assured him this was the case. “And like I’ve been saying all along, you can be sure I paid lots of taxes,” he said. A spokesperson for the IRS acknowledged the duplicate filing, but would only confirm it was the tax returns sent by “Mit Romney” that they still had on file.

Mr. Romney was then asked why the IRS would have kept the returns with zero taxes owed rather than the ones he allegedly filed containing his checks to cover “lots of taxes.” Didn’t that suggest that the real Romney’s tax returns also showed zero taxes were paid for the decade in question? “Why the IRS would refuse to cash my huge checks is for them to answer,” said an irritated Romney. “Perhaps if they had, we wouldn’t be worrying about a stupid deficit either!”

Romney presidential campaign senior advisor Eric Fehrnstrom said the Romney accounting team is currently preparing to re-file the correct returns. However, because the campaign has already released returns from 2001 to 2010, the amended returns will not be made public.

In 2010, 7.0% of US households, about 8.6 million, had at least one member age 12 or older who experienced one or more types of identity theft. Among these households, 64.1% experienced the misuse or attempted misuse of an existing credit card account. Identity theft connected with the filing of a bogus federal tax return is extremely rare, involving just .00000001% of the population, roughly the same amount of people who have at least $100 million in an IRA. This was also the first ever case of a bogus tax return not involving a refund.

 

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2 Responses to “Romney Identity Theft Victim | Says Fake Mitt Paid No Taxes”

  1. Sajith Says:

    From David Frum. For 20 years now, the GOP has been giving away the votes of pronfssioeals, upper-income non-whites, college-educated women, and other comparatively economically successful groups.The party has rebased itself on the votes of whites without a college degree. Mitt Romney must gain almost two-thirds of their vote in 2012 to have any realistic hope of winning the White House.Non-college whites are the most alienated and pessimistic group in the electorate and also the most nationalist. They may resent the foreigner Barack Obama, but there is one thing they hate even more: outsourcing and those who do it. Wait, there’s more:Yesterday was a truly ugly day on the campaign trail. Former Bush 41 Chief of Staff John Sununu told reporters on the campaign trail that President Obama had to learn to be an American, suggesting of course that he is not an American yet. (Killing bin Laden evidently being yetanother of those jobs Americans won’t do.)probably hopeless by now to try to excite the GOP’s conservative base about Romney, not only because of ideology, but even more because of sociology. Romney’s life, career, and manner all combine to remind the white working class why their parents and grandparents voted Democratic.

  2. danbrown Says:

    Good points. Thanks for your comment.

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