Romney-Ryan Makes Burger King Official Campaign Restaurant


As part of their new partnership with the Romney-Ryan campaign, Burger King will introduce the Romney-Ryan Whopper on September 15.

As part of their new partnership with the Romney-Ryan campaign, Burger King will introduce the Romney-Ryan Whopper on September 15.

Wolfeboro, NH—In the wake of Paul Ryan’s and Mitt Romney’s GOP Convention speeches, the Republican ticket announced today that Burger King is now the official restaurant for their campaign. “Given the highly fiction-based nature of our speeches,” Romney said, “choosing ‘The Home of Whopper’ as our official campaign eatery seemed like a no-brainer.”

Republican Vice Presidential nominee Paul Ryan—dressed in black Spandex and sweating profusely after competing in the Wolfeboro Labor Day Ironman Triathlon, which he claimed to have won in world record time—concurred. “We see this partnership as a perfect way to keep the momentum we’ve gained at the convention going,” he said with a boyish grin. “And, frankly, it’s a short hop from slinging burgers to mudslinging.”

Added Romney, “Whoppers are part of the great American tradition of storytelling. Nobody except my supporters really believes Paul Bunyan dug Lake Michigan or that Pecos Bill rode a tornado. But I’d hate to think how much poorer America would be without these tall tales!” Romney claimed the whoppers that he and his running mate told during the GOP Convention must be viewed in this colorful context, although he still maintained their veracity.

And what whoppers they were. In fact, the Pulitzer Prize-winning Politifact.com gave Ryan and Romney so many “pants on fire” ratings for their bogus charges against President Obama that the fire department had to be called to contain the blaze.

But while the Romney-Ryan whoppers will continue to pose a serious fire hazard, Romney presidential campaign senior advisor Eric Fehrnstrom said there should be no expectation that the lying will abate anytime soon. Fehrnstrom then repeated the now-famous words of Romney pollster Neil Newhouse. “We’re not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact-checkers.”

As part of their new partnership with the Romney-Ryan campaign, Burger King will introduce the Romney-Ryan Whopper on September 15. The 1380-calorie quadruple bypass Whopper contains 127 grams of fat, roughly double the Recommended Daily Fat Intake for a diet of 2,000 calories per day.

Upon hearing the exciting news New Jersey governor Chris Christie suffered severe palpitations and was rushed to the hospital. He is reportedly under sedation and resting comfortably. His condition is listed as extremely gross.

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One Response to “Romney-Ryan Makes Burger King Official Campaign Restaurant”

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