Mitt Romney Blames Six Months Of Gaffes On Being Hypnotized


Romney claims he was hypnotized by famous comedian/hypnotist Don Barnhart and told to act like bumbling Inspector Clouseau of The Pink Panther movies.

Romney claims he was hypnotized by famous comedian/hypnotist Don Barnhart and told to act like bumbling Inspector Clouseau.

Las Vegas—Mitt Romney returned to what one senior campaign advisor called the “scene of the crime” on Sunday: a private ballroom in a casino owned by billionaire and Romney supporter Sheldon Adelson. It was here that Don Barnhart performed his comedy act during a $50,000 per fork fundraiser. The crime: Romney being hypnotized by the award-winning comedian and certified hypnotist and told to act as if he were the bumbling Inspector Clouseau of The Pink Panther movies.

All in good fun, so it seemed. But apparently something went terribly wrong. Rather than coming out of his hypnotic trance when Barnhart snapped his fingers, Romney “awoke” but remained hypnotized. And no one noticed. That was in April of this year. What happened after that has been one major gaffe after another by the Republican presidential candidate, each new one seeming to surpass the one prior.

“Only someone channeling his inner Inspector Clouseau could have bungled a trip to the London Olympics,” said the GOP Speaker of the House, who wished to remain anonymous. “After that, it was his pandering trip to Israel, insulting Palestinians, a botched convention speech, a horribly unpatriotic and absolutely wrongheaded criticism of the president’s response to the attacks in Libya, and then of course the previously-recorded 47% remarks.” Classic Clouseau, the Speaker said.

No Democrats and few Republicans have disagreed. But until now Romney’s bizarre behavior was inexplicable. Then came the revelation that Romney had been hypnotized and everything fell into place. “It’s actually reminiscent of the time when the governor’s father George was brainwashed,” said Romney presidential campaign senior advisor Eric Fehrnstrom.

Governor George W. Romney was a leading contender for the 1968 Republican presidential nomination until September 4, 1967, when he told Detroit television newsman Lou Gordon that he had been “brainwashed” by American generals into supporting the Vietnam War while touring Southeast Asia in 1965.

An irritated George Romney tried unsuccessfully to fend off the blistering press attacks that followed his dumbass remark. But his candidacy never recovered from what virtually every political pundit regarded as a dangerous lack of foreign policy expertise and a foggy position on the Vietnam War. “What can I say?” said Fehrnstrom with a shrug. “Mitt and his dad have always been known for their thin skins and thick skulls.”

Fehrnstrom confirmed that Don Barnhart had been recalled to the casino and paid a “six-figure” fee to bring Romney out of his hypnotic trance once and for all. Did it work? “Only time will tell,” Fehrnstrom said.

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4 Responses to “Mitt Romney Blames Six Months Of Gaffes On Being Hypnotized”

  1. jvdix Says:

    Well now, this certainly explains a lot. When do we get to see him sitting on a barstool that isn’t there?

  2. danbbrown Says:

    I think that’s likely to happen very soon. I also think Romney is going to wish he could drink alcohol very soon — assuming that wish hasn’t crossed his mind already!

  3. Anon Says:

    The problem with a claim like this is that it is very, very possible, but subtle enough to be difficult to ascertain with certainty and could easily be a fabrication. The subconscious mind is rife with unimaginable potential and only a fool would take it lightly.

  4. danbrown Says:

    Agreed.

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