Romney Says Zingers Will Prove He’s “The Great Mass Debater”

Romney faces off against Rick Perry during one of more than a dozen Republican Primary debates.

Romney faces off against Rick Perry during one of more than a dozen Republican Primary debates.

Denver—With the first presidential debate on tap for Wednesday, Mitt Romney has been doing his best to portray President Obama as a silver-tongued, Washington politician who can make almost any poison apple seem appetizing. Romney warned Americans not to be fooled by the president’s fancy rhetoric during the debate, but instead to pay close attention to his clever zingers, which he’s been practicing for months.

“No amount of flowery words can hide a record of failure,” Romney said to a small group of billionaire donors during a weekend fundraiser. Calling President Obama the consummate debater in what many believe to be a tactic to lower expectations regarding his own debate skills, Romney blamed Obama’s “activist obstructionism” for creating Washington gridlock, high unemployment, a slow moving recovery and the break-up of The Beatles.

“My oratory skills may not measure up to the president’s,” Romney ruefully admitted, “but coming from the great state of Massachusetts, where the summers are oppressive and the winters harsh, I’m no pushover either. That’s why in my home state I’m known as The Great Mass Debater.”

A CNN poll of Massachusetts voters taken on Monday confirms Romney’s claim. 78% agreed that Romney, during his tenure as governor, and even before, was indeed The Great Mass Debater. They cited as evidence not only Romney’s relaxed work ethic as the state’s chief executive, but also his disastrous debate performance when he ran against Ted Kennedy for the US Senate in 1994. “Teddy exposed the real Mitt,” said Boston cab driver Robert McKay. “A total jerk-off.”

McKay predicted that President Obama would “mop the floor” with Romney no matter how many zingers the governor landed. And while he conceded that unpredictable events could change the course of a presidential campaign, the cabbie said he’d take a debate master over a Mass Debater any day of the week.

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2 Responses to “Romney Says Zingers Will Prove He’s “The Great Mass Debater””

  1. Joanne Dixon Says:

    I too will go with the debate master over the other. Priceless!

  2. danbbrown Says:

    Thanks, Joanne. Glad you enjoyed it. Unlike Sarah Silverman, I try to keep my most off-color stuff from PG-13 to R. I think she’s probably X-rated most of the time.

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