Romney Won’t Wear Truth Detector At Next Presidential Debate


Governor Mitt Romney during a 2009 audit by the Internal Revenue Service. The results have remained secret.

Governor Mitt Romney during a 2009 audit by the Internal Revenue Service. The results have remained secret.

Columbus—Mitt Romney told so many lies during the first presidential debate that even the Obama campaign rejected the suggestion by the presidential debate commission to wire both candidates with lie detectors during the second debate on October 16, saying it would be disruptive and distracting to have Romney’s lie detector blaring every five seconds or so.

Unfortunately, the Romney campaign has also said that under no circumstances will their candidate wear a truth detector which, had Romney been so wired during the first debate, would have gone off only once: when the Republican presidential nominee mentioned that he had five sons.

“It isn’t that we’re concerned Mitt’s truth detector wouldn’t sound off at all,” Romney presidential campaign senior advisor Eric Fehrnstrom explained. “It’s that President Obama’s truth detector would be beeping like a pinball machine all night and this would certainly interrupt the rhythm of the debate.”

The debate committee then offered a compromise in which Romney would wear a truth detector and the president would wear a lie detector. That way the sounding of alarms would be kept to a minimum. The Obama camp responded quickly, saying they endorsed such a compromise whole-heartedly. Governor Romney, during a noontime press conference in Columbus, agreed as well. However, within an hour of the press conference’s close, the Romney campaign walked back the candidate’s statement, saying that Romney would not in fact wear a truth detector.

“The uncertainty of our times is what keeps America sharp,” said Fehrnstrom. “Governor Romney, therefore, is firmly opposed to anything that jeopardizes uncertainty—at least through the end of the day.” Fehrnstrom insisted that the number one enemy of uncertainty is a truth detector.

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2 Responses to “Romney Won’t Wear Truth Detector At Next Presidential Debate”

  1. Underwriter Says:

    Well, shucky darn. the compromise sounded brilliant to me. Oh, well.

  2. danbbrown Says:

    Yeah, I can’t understand why the Romney folks wouldn’t agree to something like that.

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