Romney To Star In Remake of “Fantasy Island” TV Series

The new Fantasy Island: Producers worry that scripts might not be outlandish enough to be viewed as fantasies by a nutjob audience.

The new Fantasy Island: Producers worry that scripts might not be outlandish enough to be viewed as fantasies by a nutjob audience.

Grand Cayman — Still licking his wounds from his loss of the presidential election, Mitt Romney encountered a little holiday cheer when the Fox network offered him the starring role in the upcoming remake of the once popular series “Fantasy Island,” which ran from 1977 to 1984. Rather than reprise Ricardo Montalban’s role as Mr. Roarke, however, the producers have created a new character for Romney: Mr. de Nile.

Having resolved the series’ lead, the network is now courting Donald Trump to play Romney’s sidekick. “We’ve decided to go stupid rather than small this time around,” said producer David O. Seltzer. Any attempt to replicate the iconic role of Tattoo, played by Hervé Villechaize, would invariably fall short, Seltzer insisted.

Seltzer also confided that Romney was not his first choice for the lead role. He had hoped to get Antonio Banderas. However, Banderas, who currently stars as a bee in TV commercials for Nasonex, said that he would prefer to continue in that role than appear with Donald Trump. Sources close to Banderas said he did not want to jeopardize his opportunity to play a cockroach in the upcoming spring campaign for Raid by appearing in a TV show with birther Trump.

But Seltzer was hardly dismayed. He said the show’s expected demographic of right-wing nutjobs hates anyone with an accent anyway. Seltzer was more worried that scriptwriters might not be able to create scenarios outlandish enough for the audience to consider them fantasies.

The series will begin shooting in January in Grand Cayman. At present the scriptwriters are still grappling with how the arrival of Fantasy Island guests will be announced. In the previous episodes, Tattoo shouted “De plane! De plane!” as a seaplane drifted down for a landing. One scenario being floated is to have the guests arrive at Grand Cayman by yacht and then be transported to the island by dinghy. Trump would then shout “De dinghy! De dinghy!” as the craft approached.

No guest stars have been confirmed as yet. However, all of those being considered are rumored to be prominent Republicans. Furthermore, the $50,000 fee that guests paid for a weekend on the past series has now been raised to $5 million. The new fees will be donated to Restore Our Future, a Romney Super PAC, for Romney’s 2016 presidential campaign.

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5 Responses to “Romney To Star In Remake of “Fantasy Island” TV Series”

  1. Joanne Dixon Says:

    “De Money! De Money!” ROTFLMAO!

  2. danbbrown Says:

    Well, I’m sure Mr. Romney and Mr. Trump will be looking for things to do now that the election is over! Although when you have as much money as they do, simply counting is probably a full-time job.

  3. danbrown Says:

    Thanks. I appreciate your interest.

  4. Elise Gingerich Says:

    DSMV 5? Obama Trauma! new thing, added to The BOOK: DSMV 5? Obama Trauma! Mental Therapy, anyone?! anybody?! WHO is in NEED, of some Mental Therapy NOW, people?! anybody?! anyone?!

  5. danbrown Says:

    I sorry to say, Elise, I don’t know what you’re referring to, but I appreciate your paying a visit to my blog nonetheless. As you can see, I’ve been taking a hiatus from political writing. However, I hope to return to my satirical ways in the near future. There are just so many wonderful targets that deserve skewering. And, yes, the whole planet could benefit from some intensive and ongoing therapy!

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