Boehner, Republicans Plan To Cure Inflexibility With Yoga


Congressman Paul Ryan (R-WI) and other Republicans vow to cure their unpopular inflexibility problem with yoga.

Congressman Paul Ryan (R-WI) and other Republicans vow to cure their unpopular inflexibility problem with yoga.

Washington, D.C. — A Gallup Poll published on April 1, which apparently is no joke, found that the major criticism of today’s Republican party is that it is “too inflexible.” Most surprising about the results is that more Republicans than Democrats listed this as the main quality they dislike about the GOP — by 26% to 22%.

“It’s a definitely a wake-up call for Republicans,” said House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH). “And one we plan to address with the same sense of urgency we apply to America’s other pressing problems.”

Boehner said that since the party began moving inexorably to the right in the 1990s, the GOP has become adept at tying itself in knots. However, he conceded that having the flexibility to do that was of little value if they required the Jaws of Life to undo the damage.

Fitness buff, former Republican Vice Presidential nominee and party thought leader Paul Ryan (R-WI) has been appointed by Speaker Boehner to find the best yoga program in Washington. When asked if the Congressional healthcare plan covered the membership fee for a yoga club, Ryan said as far as he knew it did. “But it’s not like Obamacare made that possible,” he added. “Our plan already covered it. Which, frankly, is another reason why Obamacare should be repealed. It’s superfluous.”

Ryan said that he, Boehner and every other Republican would continue the fight to repeal Obamacare regardless of how much time and taxpayer money is wasted on the effort. “And don’t count on an 8-week yoga program to change our minds about that.”

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