Posts Tagged ‘Ann Romney’


Democrats Hit Voter Suppression with No Heart, No Vote Bill

Sunday, September 16th, 2012
Democratic lawmakers in Ohio respond to GOP voter suppression with “No Heart, No Vote!” bill.

Democratic lawmakers in Ohio respond to GOP voter suppression with “No Heart, No Vote!” bill.

Columbus—If you think Democrats are standing idly by when it comes to Republican voter suppression in battleground states, think again. Consider Ohio. Republicans currently rule the roost and, most recently, have taken measures to curtail voting hours in a not-so-subtle attempt to the suppress minority vote which strongly favors President Obama. Democrats fought back and managed to gain some concessions, including the restoration of voting hours during the weekend immediately preceding the election.

But Democrats have not stopped there. A new bill—dubbed No Heart, No Vote—introduced on the floor of the Ohio House of Representatives today calls for Republican voters to prove that they have hearts by answering one simple question: Do you support the Ryan Budget? Anyone who answers “yes” will not be allowed to vote. (more…)

Romney Pays $39K Fine for Overdue Library Book From 1954

Friday, September 7th, 2012
Mitt Romney’s favorite book since he was seven appealed to his love of piracy, tropical islands and buried treasure.

Mitt Romney’s favorite book since he was seven appealed to his love of piracy, tropical islands and buried treasure.

Wolfeboro, NH—As if the alleged theft of his tax returns weren’t enough to keep him up nights, Mitt Romney learned on Wednesday that he owed a $39,869.27 fine due to his failure to return a book he took out from the Bloomfield Hills Public Library on June 23, 1954 when he was seven years old. The book—Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson—turns out to be one of the GOP presidential nominee’s favorites.

“It’s been on his bedside table ever since I can remember,” Ann Romney confessed. “Mitt simply idolized Long John Silver. He always wanted to be a pirate. And, well, you know, he loves tropical islands and burying treasure, too.” Mrs. Romney claimed she had no idea the book had been overdue for nearly six decades. Furthermore, she thought it suspicious that the matter should come to light during the same week Romney’s taxes returns were allegedly stolen.

Mrs. Romney said that her husband was distraught over the incident and cut a check for the full fine immediately. He also sweetened the deal by donating a new copy of the famous book to the library, which he autographed Long John Romney. Mrs. Romney confided that until the day he retroactively left Bain & Company in 1999, Mr. Romney would sign off on corporate takeover and bankruptcy documents with the initials LJR. (more…)

June Cleaver Replaces Ann Romney As GOP Convention Speaker

Monday, August 27th, 2012
Iconic 1950’s mom June Cleaver with sons Beaver and Wally

Iconic 1950’s mom June Cleaver with sons Beaver and Wally

Tampa—And you thought Isaac was the biggest storm to hit Tampa this week. In a move that has both delighted and shocked Republicans, Ann Romney has relinquished her featured speaker role at the GOP Convention on Tuesday night to her old friend and childhood neighbor June Cleaver.

“June and I have been simpatico since the day we met,” beamed an excited Mrs. Romney, who said the iconic 1950’s mom once rescued young Ann when she got her skirt caught as she tried to jump, on horseback, the Cleavers’ white picket fence.

“You never forget that sort of kindness,” said Mrs. Romney with tears in her eyes. “You can just imagine the embarrassment of being stuck there with my underwear showing.” Mrs. Romney said that before Mrs. Cleaver rescued her, Eddie Haskell teased her, relentlessly reciting I see England/I see France/I see Annie’s underpants. (more…)