Posts Tagged ‘Romney Tax Returns’


Undecided Voter To Car Guy Romney: Show Me The MITTFAX!

Saturday, October 27th, 2012
An Ohio man, concerned about the Mitt Romney’s total lack of transparency and candor, wants the presidential candidate to “Show Me The MITTFAX!”

An Ohio man, concerned about the Mitt Romney’s total lack of transparency and candor, wants the presidential candidate to “Show Me The MITTFAX!”

Columbus, OH—As the presidential campaign heads into its final spin cycle, undecided voters in battleground states are demanding that Mitt Romney “Show Me The MITTFAX!” Up to now, Romney has managed to go further and longer than any presidential candidate in history while providing almost no detailed information about himself or his policies.

On the economy Romney has promised a 20% across-the-board tax cut that would add $5 trillion to the deficit. Romney has said this is not true because he said it was not true, but has offered zero information about what deductions or programs he would eliminate to offset the $5 trillion.

In the area of healthcare, Romney has repeatedly said that he would repeal and replace Obamacare, but has yet to say what he would replace it with. The only detail he has provided is that his plan would cover pre-existing conditions. But what he has failed to say audibly is that his plan would only provide such coverage if a policyholder had continuous coverage. This provision has already been law—since 1998. (more…)

At Mitt Romney Iowa Rally, Swiss Flag Mix-up Goes Unnoticed

Wednesday, September 12th, 2012
Farmers at a Romney rally in Iowa wave Swiss flags.

Farmers at a Romney rally in Iowa wave Swiss flags.

Des Moines—Nothing seemed out of the ordinary at an Iowa rally for Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney. The monochromatic, 50-plus demographic of nearly two hundred farm country Americans were—with contained enthusiasm—applauding and waving flags as similar crowds had done for Mr. Romney as he hopscotched from one battleground state to another. The only difference was that the flags they were waving were Swiss.

Apparently a Romney staffer inadvertently checked the wrong box on the flag order form and consequently it was Swiss rather than American flags that were shipped to the rally site. The real surprise, however, was that not a single member of the Romney team had realized a mistake was made. Per normal pre-rally preparations, the Swiss flags were distributed to the audience just as American flags had been passed out at other rallies. (more…)

Romney Pays $39K Fine for Overdue Library Book From 1954

Friday, September 7th, 2012
Mitt Romney’s favorite book since he was seven appealed to his love of piracy, tropical islands and buried treasure.

Mitt Romney’s favorite book since he was seven appealed to his love of piracy, tropical islands and buried treasure.

Wolfeboro, NH—As if the alleged theft of his tax returns weren’t enough to keep him up nights, Mitt Romney learned on Wednesday that he owed a $39,869.27 fine due to his failure to return a book he took out from the Bloomfield Hills Public Library on June 23, 1954 when he was seven years old. The book—Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson—turns out to be one of the GOP presidential nominee’s favorites.

“It’s been on his bedside table ever since I can remember,” Ann Romney confessed. “Mitt simply idolized Long John Silver. He always wanted to be a pirate. And, well, you know, he loves tropical islands and burying treasure, too.” Mrs. Romney claimed she had no idea the book had been overdue for nearly six decades. Furthermore, she thought it suspicious that the matter should come to light during the same week Romney’s taxes returns were allegedly stolen.

Mrs. Romney said that her husband was distraught over the incident and cut a check for the full fine immediately. He also sweetened the deal by donating a new copy of the famous book to the library, which he autographed Long John Romney. Mrs. Romney confided that until the day he retroactively left Bain & Company in 1999, Mr. Romney would sign off on corporate takeover and bankruptcy documents with the initials LJR. (more…)

Romney Identity Theft Victim | Says Fake Mitt Paid No Taxes

Tuesday, August 14th, 2012
Artist rendering of Uzbekistani suspects in the Mitt Romney identity theft case.

Artist rendering of Uzbekistani suspects in the Mitt Romney identity theft case.

Mitt Romney admitted today that tax returns bearing his name did in fact reveal that he paid no taxes for the years 2001 through 2010. However, in a move that deflated critics and won praise from supporters, Romney was quick to point out that it was an unknown party, traced to an IP address in Uzbekistan, who had stolen the presumptive Republican presidential nominee’s identity and filed the returns electronically.

Romney went on to say that the bogus returns have already been sent to Fox News and other credible media outlets for immediate publication. “I hope now we can put this whole nonsense over my tax returns to bed,” Romney said. “Yes, these documents do in fact demonstrate that no tax was paid for a period of ten years. But given that the signer signed ‘Mit’ with only one t, you can see they are clearly fraudulent.” (more…)