Posts Tagged ‘US Constitution’

Ryan Favors Tax Breaks for Blacks, Other Three-Fifths People

Thursday, March 21st, 2013
Paul Ryan’s new tax plan would treat blacks and other minorities as three-fifths of a person.

Paul Ryan’s new tax plan would treat blacks and other minorities as three-fifths of a person.

Washington, DC — Congressman Paul Ryan (R-Wisconsin) claims he has always had a soft spot for Article 1, Section 2, Paragraph 3 of the United States Constitution. His announcement today, he said, proves it. Standing on the Capitol steps, Ryan said a key feature of his new budget would be the treatment of blacks, Latinos and other minorities as three-fifths people in order to provide them with a proportionate, and unprecedented, tax break.

“Representatives and direct Taxes,” Ryan read from a clothbound copy of the Constitution, “shall be apportioned among the several States which may be included within this Union, according to their respective Numbers, which shall be determined by adding the whole Number of free persons…and, excluding Indians not taxed, three-fifths of all other Persons.”


Supreme Court Rules 5 to 4 Constitution Is Unconstitutional

Monday, July 9th, 2012
King Mitt I of Utah

Mitt Romney hopes to return America to its royal glory days.

Washington, DC—Feeling intense pressure from the right to mend its ways since its recent liberal-leaning decisions to strike down most of Arizona’s immigration law and to uphold the Affordable Care Act, the United States Supreme Court ruled today that the US Constitution is unconstitutional, essentially dissolving our form of government and, with it, the scourge of socialism.

The immediate impact of the decision was relatively minor, however, since the Republican-led House has done virtually nothing for two years. Only one piece of legislation—the Barton-Pearce Drilling Act—has been passed since John Boehner took hold of the Speaker’s gavel in 2010. The legislation, which would have allowed oil companies to drill in Mrs. Obama’s White House vegetable garden, died in the Democratic-controlled Senate.

It looked for a while as if the Second Amendment—the Right to Bear Arms—would survive, but in the end even that was cast out. The court decided that the matter of arming paranoid, sadistic idiots with assault weapons should best be left to the states governed by paranoid, sadistic idiots who oppose the assault weapons ban. (more…)